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 Personal Stories  



 

The Human Family

Deborah, Los Angeles

Marriage, for me, is about acceptance. Not social or political acceptance, or acceptance as a transperson, or as a member of any community, but the acceptance that comes without condition, without forethought, and without pretense, to be shared with the person I love. It is a gift that exists on no registry, that can't be properly expressed in any greeting card, and that has no calculable price. It is telling someone, "I accept you for all that you are, and know that you accept me for all that I am."

Growing up as a transperson, I spent many years in denial, thinking that if I married the right woman, my "trans-ness" would somehow magically disappear. An outdated notion by any standard, but one that still crosses the minds of many young transpeople today, I am sure. After many failed relationships, it finally became clear to me that to find the kind of acceptance I wanted from someone else, I would have to accept myself first.

Now, after years of personal work and growth to achieve that acceptance, I am more than ready to share it with someone else, to build a life, and to embrace the future in ways I never thought possible before. To be denied that future, or to be forced to accept a watered-down version of it, simply because of who or how I love, not only denies all the sacrifices I have made and the work I have done, but it denies me acceptance into the human family.

Date Created: 2/22/2008
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