If it were up to me, I'd get rid of civil marriage altogether. That's what I tell people anyway. You know, to give credibility to myself as a radical queer trans man of color. Why throw my support behind an institution that formed to feed the capitalist need for property transfer? That's not what my love means!

Today, marriage is about much more than transferring money or preserving tradition. It's a way of welcoming a couple into the responsibilities that come with their relationship. A way to celebrate love and commitment. Everyone feels that kind of love some time in their lives, no matter their gender or sexual orientation. And yet, in 49 states, same-gender couples can't be a part of that celebration. Sure, civil unions exist in some places, and some employers offer domestic partner benefits. But those institutions aren't the same as marriage, and they don't offer the same level of sincerity in the eyes of the law. In other words, they're separate and unequal. It hurts to be told that my love is less worthy of recognition than a straight person's. It hurts to be shut out of the in-crowd of happy couples.

When my parents immigrated in the 1970's, they envisioned a brighter world for their children. They wanted my sisters and me to have more opportunities than they did, just like all parents. Instead, two of us aren't allowed to get married: my sister because she's a lesbian, and me because I don't have a letter from a surgeon guaranteeing that I'm a "real" man. It's a slap in the face to my parents, who worked so hard to build a better life for us, who put so much energy into their community, and who put so much faith in the government to rule with fairness and equality. The best way to hurt them is to exclude their children from living out our dreams. If we're going to live in a society where marriage is a civil right, we've got to make sure we include everyone. It's only fair.