Personal Stories

We are both first generation immigrants (from Malaysia and Taiwan) and have made California our home for 20+ years. We have a beautiful daughter, Megan, who is now three years old.

And just like the other straight couples and families in our neighborhood, we shop at local stores, we go to the Farmer's Market at Grand Avenue, we eat in Chinatown, and we watch movies at Jack London Square. We also have many gay and lesbian friends in Oakland. Many of them own homes, and actively participate in a strong and vibrant queer community.  Both of us work in the East Bay - Koko has her own business in software development, and Margot is the Vice President of a civil engineering firm.

Four years ago, we registered as domestic partners and had a beautiful and memorable commitment ceremony with family and friends in Tilden Park. However, our families were shocked when they found out that having done all that, we were still NOT married.

Then last year, just before Valentine's Day, we heard about Mayor Gavin Newsom's announcement. Even though Koko was 7-months pregnant, we rushed to San Francisco, waited in line for hours, and got married at City Hall, along with over 4,000 other couples. It was an exciting and wonderful moment! We were spouses for life! At last!

We had hoped that our marriage would have given us some of the rights that so many of our straight friends take for granted:

• For Koko to be covered under Margot's health insurance plan as a spouse
• For Margot to be with Koko when our daughter was born and not have to struggle with recalcitrant doctors or nurses because she's a "legal stranger"
• So we don't have to spend upwards of $2000 to go through an adoption process when our daughter was born
• So we can file our taxes together as a family
• So schools won't question one of us as the "other" parent
• So that inheritance rights and powers of attorneys are no longer additional hurdles for us
• So our families understand marriage and the notion that we're spouses, not just "domestic partners"
• So we can get the family discount on our automobile insurance policies

A few months later, when we heard about the not totally unexpected nullification of our marriage (to be categorized as a "legal nullity" was hardly the high point of the year), we were, of course, disappointed, discouraged and sad. Those few months of exhilaration were all erased in one day. Eventually, we hope to be recognized as a regular old married couple, and to have all the rights and privileges thereof.